What is it about your twenties that says go ahead, have a breakdown?
It happens to all of us, usually women, men hold off on their midlife crisis. It can happen anywhere from teens to our mid 30's. All of a sudden the world that has been moving so fast comes to a creeping halt.
You have started to look in the mirror, you question who you are, where you're going, what makes you happy, what you believe in, do you love him, do you love her, are you a good mom, do you want to be a mom, will have have healthy kids, what if you don't, is your marriage strong, was the is the wedding what you really want, are you in the right career, what career, did you miss your big moment, did you fail your marriage, do you want marriage, do you even know what you're dong right now?
Then you realize you know none of the answers, and you conclude you're miserable and you know nothing.
You might hold it in, it might not be too bad, or you might experience Mt. Lifesuvious. You might make drastic decisions, hurt people along the way, you ARE going to make good and bad decisions that make good and bad circumstances, you might run away, you might push away, you might burrow into a hole, you might quit school, start school, quit a job, move to another country...the possibilities are endless.
For plenty of women this happens before or after a big event; college, graduation, wedding, baby, buying a house, moving, jobs, etc.
For others it's when life gets quiet, you get into a routine, the chaos has come to an end, and you've taken an out of body look around.
There are a million times and reasons this happens.
I think that we've been breed in a time of change. Do we work hard, get the ladder climbing career, follow the game of life, get a spouse, marry, buy a house, have kids?
Do we fight the norm find our passion and figure out what exactly it is that makes us happy? What's that saying anyway, "do work that makes you happy" I'd like an instructional on that.
It all becomes too confusing and too much. Some of us were raised to nurture our thoughts, interests, and challenge who we are, and what we want. Some of us not so much.
If you've been here you know you rocked your own world, turned it upside down, and drove everyone you know to the edge, and tested every relationship you had. I know, you gained a few and lost several. Those people were meant to either come or go...just move on.
There's no one way to get past this time in your life. It takes all of your faith, energy, sanity, friends, family, trail and error, and nerve to beat it.
I have come to think that this is the time that shapes your life the most. What comes to define who you are, and how important YOU really are to you.
You have to make choices, really hard ones, some will be made with attitude, anger, and spite, while others will be made in a ball, in a corner, crying your eyes out.
Expect a break down....or a dozen. Be prepared to feel like a failure, like nothing, empty, sad, and hopeless. Then be ready to feel like a cage fighter, a free spirit, and nothing like yourself.
My only advice to anyone who is in this moment of their life or due to expect it is this:
Keep your faith or find your faith.
Sleep on it...for a week, before doing anything.
Listen to nobody, but hear what others have to offer.
If you have even an ounce of doubt inside, DO NOT DO IT.
Feel bad for nothing you need to do for your own happiness, whether it turns out right or wrong.
You are young, people are still going to school in their 70's, life is not over until it's over.
Whatever you missed out on, there are others that missed out on what you did.
We all have our own path and time line, someone else's is NOT YOURS.
We have kids, marriages, careers, moves, and luck on our own time, do not envy or compare.
What you want but don't have will come, you are going to want things so desperately, but sometimes you must grow first, IT WILL COME.
You do know, you just aren't listening to yourself.
IT WILL BE OK.
Don't let anyone "fix" you, that's your job.
STAY OFF OF FACEBOOK
You have to do this yourself.
Do not broadcast your every thought, you'll be irrational, but try to maintain class and a good name for yourself.
You are not crazy, a failure, or a appointment's, you're just going through a time right now, it too will pass.
Don't throw in the towel and take back your decisions, see them through, and have confidence in what you do.
Clean out your social closet.
You will never be happy for others, you will make others happy being happy for you.
Be ready for clean up when the smoke has cleared. Not many are going to understand what you just went through, many will judge why you did the things you did, and others will just write you off.
You need to be responsible for your actions...made in sanity or not. It's very likely that you'll need to work to show others that you've had to do what you did to become the person you crawled out of the ashes to be.
Anyone that has gone through this, welcome to the club survivor! Let go of those nagging worries and regrets. The people you lost were not meant to be in your life forever, and that's ok. Miss them, but don't mourn them. In time if it's meant to be you'll reconnect, in the mean time live that life you worked so hard to live.
Don't second guess anything, you are who you are, whether you're clear on that now or not. It's all over and you ended up right where you were suppose to.
You could be in a worse place, hitting the very bottom, a good place, a lonely place, but it's the place where you're due to be. Maybe to rise up from there, maybe you've landed in your perfect harmony, or maybe you're just content in knowing you're just at a new beginning, and working to find the answers that seemed so crucial and mind numbing...that are now just things you'll have to adventure.
This is our test, it really hurts, and it's really ugly, but good thing we were made so strong. Don't fear this time that you're in, just work through each day at a time, and it will be in your past.
