I have been busy for as long as I can remember. I have also been stressed, moving, anxious, and worried my whole life.
In just 28 short years I truly believe I have succeeded in burning myself out. I have achieved "the false American dream."
I have worked up a ladder that I don't want to be on. I have a house that doesn't truly fit my life, and I have a lot of plastic money, a 401k, and a 9-5.
I am ever so grateful for all of my blessings, oh boy am I ever! I am lucky, beyond blessed, and grateful. These things have made me strong, proud, and experienced. The thing is, none of it has made me happy, fulfilled, or content. They feel like lessons or stepping stones instead of pieces of who I am.
Maybe that's the thing though. I have achieved through hard work and self education, and lots and lots of prayers, the things that I wanted....or thought I should want.
I never asked for or thought about what I really desired, what really filled my love cup. Now, I have it all and am nothing but fried... like a green tomato but less tasty.
I have felt lately like God has been telling me to slow down. Well "telling" is a nice way to put it, more like forcing me to slow down. That my fulfilling time in life can't and won't be met until I step back.
Easier said then done right? Step back, ha, how do you do that? I have bills, responsibilities, commitments, and goals. How do I keep moving forward while stepping back?
Faith. I know I have to take a big trusting leap of faith, that God will always and forever provide, as he has done.
I have never been without what I need; somehow I have always been provided for. All these years God has let me chase what I wanted, and opened doors for me, but now I feel like he is saying enough.
It's time to follow the path intended for me. I can't say that I have walked alone all this time, but I have definitely taken a lead, and walked in silence.
Sure I wonder if I'm crazy, miss reading something, or making the wrong choices, but the choices I've been making have left me empty, unsure, and lost in myself.
A dear friend made a similar decision a while back. She packed up her desk and without looking back said adios. There were no plans, no back up job, nothing....except the sheer faith she had in God and herself. She deserves happiness, better, and she knew it. You know what, she made it. Life just keeps getting better, and she is always taken care of, and now more connected to God and herself worth.
At this point if I'm unhappy already then I might as well chase happy, not more unhappy on my current course.
I feel like all of this has come from a developed relationship with God. A relationship that is no longer private, a relationship with Jesus, and full of trust.
Whether you're religious or not you need to have full faith and trust that following your happiness and your instinct will lead you to a fulfilling life.
If that means cutting back, taking risks, and creating new goals that may feel like they are taking you backwards, just trust and do it.
What's really stopping you? Doubt, social status, struggle, or even the risk of more unhappiness? Well, yes, but you need to first decide that you will not fail. It's not a choice. Your attempt at happiness will not lead to failure. And you likely already feel like you're failing....because you're not happy.
I'm not saying quit your job, run away, be crazy! I'm saying don't fear tuition if you want to take a pay cut of a dream job. Don't worry about money if you need to work part time or 4 days a week instead of 60. Don't second guess that application to a new company or position, adopt that baby single or not, take that trip overseas alone, take the meetings, open that business, have the conversations, and just follow your instinct.
Nothing great can happen if you don't try, and take a leap of faith.
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