It's been over a year now since we've talked. She used to be my best friend, the person that I thought God made to be the sister that I never had. God, I always wanted a sister, how could you bless me with this person, and then take her away? Sure, I had other friends, life long friends even, but she was the friend that was on the exact same level as me. The one that you didn't even need to talk with, she always knew what I was thinking or feeling even when I didn't. It was like we were cut from the same piece of cloth.
How could you ever turn her heart so cold towards me that she'd never talk to me again?
I'll never forget the night I told my mom that my best friend hated me and that I'd be missing the wedding I'd probably lost more sleep over than she did. It still makes me cry even sitting here today telling you about it, I'd rather lose a hundred loves than lose a best friend.
My mom knew this friend was a piece of my life that I wasn't ready to lose. I wanted her to tell me my friend was wrong, she'd call in a few days and we'd move past this.
Yet she stood firm as mom and reminded me of the lesson she taught me every time something greater than me negatively filled my heart....let it go.
"Let it go Carla," she said, "this will eat you alive.You can't make people love you and you can't make people see things your way," she said. She knew my hurt was too deep to offer suggestions on fixing things.
Every time I offered a reason, excuse, debate, or whatever it was I said in my ugly cry voice, she asked, "did you do everything you think you could do?" Yes, I think I did, then she repeated,
"let it go."
What the heck was she saying this to me for? I don't want to let it go! I want to fix my friendship, though I had no idea what went wrong, why we couldn't talk it out, or what would ever not allow for a few days apart and a screaming battle and a hug to patch it up!
Well, mom says, to let it go doesn't mean to give up or to quit. It means that you are allowing yourself to be at peace for the things that you can't control. Let God take the wheel, let what is meant to be come to you when it's ready, let yourself breath easy and never bring yourself down for things you cannot change.
It's not easy to let things go, no matter how big or how small they are. No matter how young or old you are, the task is still a challenge, but once you do, there's a stillness, a peace, that is well worth it.
Just because you let something go doesn't mean it didn't leave an impression on your life or your heart. I dearly miss my friend, I don't know that I'll ever find a person like her in my life again, but I cannot make her like me, forgive me, or befriend me, and that's ok because mom also taught me that people come and people go, their purpose in life may have been fulfilled, and they may return one day. Until then, I can't allow myself to suffer and feel heavy. I appreciate the time we had as friends and will always cherish that.
Do you have something to let go of?
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